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bigmike

Guilt, Fear, or Love—What Really Changes People?
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!'” (Matthew 25:21).
Almost everybody is a motivator of one kind or another. You may be the loud, blustery kind who yells and everybody jumps, or you may be the quiet “give‑em‑a‑look‑that‑turns‑blood‑to‑ice‑water” kind, or something in between. At times, the quiet, manipulative kind are the great persuaders, but the way they do it is cruel. It causes people to be resentful and to hide.
“Most of us,” writes Em Griffin, in his book, The Mind Changers, “use guilt as a device to get others to do what we want.” Using guilt as a motivator, however, has negative side effects. People resent and avoid you, and, if they do what you expect, their conduct doesn’t last. They quickly sink back to the previous level of performance.
Example: Here’s a husband with a drinking problem. When he comes home, his wife really gives him a blast, and the husband, knowing that what she is saying is true, only begins to avoid her. He also resents her, knowing that he will get it when he comes home. That she produces guilt is without question, but the guilt comes between the two of them and does not produce the least bit of change.
I don’t have to tell a man with a drinking problem, “you’re ruining your life and family.” He knows that—at least down deep in his heart he does. But if I can help that man see himself from God’s perspective and the perspective of reality, then he begins to realize that the one who is being hurt the most is himself and that God is displeased. Then guilt feelings become the convicting tool of the Holy Spirit which will bring repentance that results in real change.
If I could give you a neat little formula that could always produce motivation, I would write a book that makes Dale Carnagie’s How To Win Friends And Influence People look like a first‑run edition. Using guilt properly as a motivational tool requires the sensitivity of a diamond cutter and the skill of a tightrope walker with the hives. I’ve learned that when I try too hard in helping God do the work of his Holy Spirit, I usually blotch things. It’s the difference between nagging and motivation.
One of the secrets or means of allowing the Holy Spirit to apply pressure to a person, is letting them face the consequences of their own failures instead of cushioning the shock for them. Now, that’s tough and it may require you face some embarrassment, but it does help. Learning the hard lesson is cause not to repeat a failure in the future.
Fear is the second force for motivation. When our office was burglarized, we were immediately motivated to install an alarm, to put some bars on windows, and to ensure that this wouldn’t happen again. Fear, however, may cause a youth to do something to avoid his father’s wrath but is a poor tool of lasting motivation.
Studies show that those who are most afraid of cancer are usually the ones who refuse to see a doctor when a lump appears in their body. They know ahead of time what the problem is, and they are afraid to let a doctor confirm or deny it.
The third motive for behavioral change is reward, which includes a wide variety of things, love included. Without a question, love is the most powerful motivation in the world when it comes to lasting, long‑term changes in our lives. Prison authorities say that one of the most powerful catalysts for change is the love of a good woman when a man is in prison. Is there someone in your life you would like to motivate? Try love. Not guilt or fear. It is the only one that really works and works and keeps on working. Think about it.
Resource reading: Matthew 25:13-33.

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