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5 Roadblocks That Keep You from Encouraging Others
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Have you ever faced a situation where you absolutely felt like quitting? You gave something your best shot. You worked, you prayed, and you determined to make something happen; then about the time you were ready to give up, someone came by and said something. What they said gave you the courage to hold on and you eventually succeeded.
There are people—a very limited, select group in the world—who seemingly know how to say exactly the right thing at the right time. They make you believe in yourself or hold on long enough to do what you originally wanted to do.
“Encouragement,” says Doug Fields, “is a constant YES in a world that says NO!” Our English word “encourage” comes from the French cour, which means “heart!” If ever an individual knew what beats you down in life, Paul, the apostle, was such a person. He knew how to give encouragement and also had the broadness of heart to know how to receive it as well.
Following a tough journey to Rome, when Paul was shipwrecked, three brothers heard that Paul was coming and went to meet him. Luke says, “At the sight of these men Paul thanked God and was encouraged” (Acts 28:15).
Why are there so few people in the world who have the largeness of heart to know how to encourage others? Is it a special gift reserved for some, or can we overcome our reluctance and insecurity to encourage others?
Interested in learning how to be an encourager? You can, but there are some roadblocks, some of which have tentacles like an octopus reaching back to childhood, that must be overcome. Like what?
1) The insecurity factor has to be overcome. Many people use sarcasm, thinking they are encouraging someone when, in reality, they are offending the very person they would like to affirm. Insight: You’ve got to overcome your own insecurity before you can be an encourager. How? Make a statement of encouragement which is positive, straightforward and without qualification. Instead of saying, “Well, you made a pretty good speech for somebody who always stumbles over his words,” say, “Your comments were really helpful.” Sarcasm is negative. It never makes anyone feel better. It cuts to the bone.
2) The inability factor must be dealt with. You grew up in a home where nobody ever complimented anybody for anything. Actually, you were the victim of verbal, possibly, physical abuse. You were told what you didn’t do right, never told about anything you did well. As an adult, you will tend to do the same thing. Encouragement is a decision, a choice which you make.
3) The ignorance factor must go. How important is it for parents to affirm the worth of our children? Very important. And, how important is encouragement for adults? Your encouragement may well be the difference between success and failure in the life of your husband or wife, or a friend. Some folks honestly don’t know how to be an encourager. If you want to be one, begin noticing what other people do well. Then, tell them.
4) The selfishness factor must be overcome too. Insight: Ego attempts to build up yourself by tearing someone else down. Encouragement builds the other up, which shows the true greatness in your life.
5) The carelessness factor needs to be confronted. “I always meant to tell him what he meant to me.” But you waited until it was too late. Now is the time to learn how to encourage. It makes a difference.
Resource reading: 1 Thessalonians 5.

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